The Season of the Iologue:
How to Avoid Becoming That Person This Silly Season**
There’s a particular species that emerges every December. No, not the office-party peacock or the strategic mistletoe strategist. I’m talking about the iologue.
And no, that’s not a typo.
An iologue is someone who doesn’t have conversations so much as performances. Their sentences begin exclusively with “I”: I did, I am, I want, I’ve been meaning to, I once had this idea… They talk at people, not with them.
They rarely ask questions, rarely pause, and rarely notice when their listener’s eyes glaze over like leftover Christmas ham.
You’ve met them. You may even have survived several of them. And in the Silly Season sprint of end-of-year drinks, dinners, and “quick catch-ups before the break,” they multiply.
But here’s the twist: Most iologues don’t realise they’re doing it.
And that’s where this little seasonal PSA (Public Service Announcement) comes in.
Why the Iologue Problem Matters
Silly Season is prime networking season. Everyone is out and about. New connections are made. Opportunities appear in the least expected places. And people remember, long after the canapé crumbs settle, how you made them feel.
Being cornered by an iologue leaves people feeling invisible.
Being in conversation with someone who genuinely listens leaves people feeling valued.
One experience closes doors.
The other quietly opens them.
Harvard research has shown that people who ask more questions are rated as more likeable, more competent, and more trustworthy. Active listening is consistently linked with stronger professional relationships, better leadership outcomes, and deeper rapport. It’s the foundation of every great interview, every meaningful collaboration, and every conversation you still think about weeks later.
And here’s the magic: you don’t need a comms degree to do it well.
You just need to stop narrating your life like an audio book nobody ordered.
A Quick Iologue Self-Check
If you’re wondering whether you’ve occasionally drifted into iologue territory, here’s a gentle diagnostic:
- You realise you’ve been monologuing for three minutes straight.
- You know your own career story in rich, cinematic detail… but you can’t recall what the other person does for work.
- You’re already preparing your response while the other person is still speaking.
- Your favourite conversation pivot is: “That reminds me of something that happened to me…”
- The person you’re talking to suddenly develops a deep fascination with the bar menu, the floor tiles, or the fire exit.
If any of these resonate: congratulations, you’re human.
We all slip into iologue mode when we’re tired, distracted, nervous, or trying too hard to impress.
The goal isn’t perfection.
It’s presence.
The Gift of Attention
If there’s ever a time to shift the spotlight, it’s now.
The most precious gift you can give someone – at a party, a networking event, a business lunch, or a late-afternoon “we really should catch up” coffee – is your attention.
Curiosity makes people bloom.
Interest makes them open.
A thoughtful question can unlock a story you’d never have heard otherwise.
And in those moments, something quietly extraordinary happens: you stop performing and start connecting.
This is the heart of great interviewing, and frankly, great living. It’s the cornerstone of the Guidebook I wrote – not because I wanted to teach people how to interrogate, but because I wanted to remind them how to listen.
Five Ways to Avoid Becoming an Iologue This Silly Season
A few simple shifts make all the difference:
- Ask two questions before you offer one story. It resets the balance.
- Acknowledge before you pivot. A simple “That’s fascinating” or “Tell me more about that” goes a long way.
- Use curiosity as your compass. Ask things you genuinely want to know.
- Let silence breathe. Pauses aren’t awkward. They’re space.
- Make it about the moment, not the monologue. Conversations aren’t stages. They’re shared experiences.
Let’s Make Connecting the Real Tradition
This year, as the calendar fills and the drinks tables wobble under festive excess, remember: being truly present with someone is memorable, meaningful, and remarkably rare.
You don’t need louder stories to stand out.
You just need warmer ones.
And who knows? You might walk away with a new friend, a new opportunity, or – at the very least – the quiet pride of knowing you didn’t iologue your way through the evening.
Here’s to conversations that flow both ways!
About the Author
Kim Chandler McDonald is the Co-Founder and CEO of 3 Steps Data, driving data/digital governance solutions.
She is the Global VP of CyAN, an award-winning author, storyteller, and advocate for cybersecurity, digital sovereignty, compliance, governance, and end-user empowerment.